The other day I was just getting settled at the midweek meditation at my church when one of the ladies ask, “Barbara, how are you today?”
I responded enthusiastically, “I am wonderful. Thank you for asking.”
Another lady added, “If you were any better, you’d be twins.” A line from the Sunday talk given by our guest speaker that previous Sunday.
“Yes, I’d be twins.” I answered her.
My minster was across the room and said, “You’re feeling wonderful?”
“Yes,” I said. “I feel so much better. I didn’t realize how bad I was.”
Several of the people around the circle nodded.
More than 30 years ago, with a group of friends we had that met weekly for prayer and fellowship, I remember one of the women, Chris, saying something similar. She had been very ill with the flu and sinus problems and more. She was finally well and remarked on how you never realize how sick you were until you are well and it feels so good to be well. That has stuck with me all these years.
About 4 weeks ago while visiting my father, I notice that I felt better while I was walking down the hallway. It had nothing to do with the hallway, I was in fact moving more easily. My knees and hips seemed to move with more grace and fluidity. My body felt like it was floating down the hallway. It didn’t last long, but I noticed.
About 2 weeks ago, I noticed this incredible feeling of wellness that I haven’t had in a very long time. Yes, I’ve had moments and even a few days, weeks and months along the way, but this was deeper and not leaving me. I felt good right down to my bones and spirit.
Many days I have energy to tackle larger projects, like the shelves I built for storage. Since then I have made a night stand (very small space so had to be made), a book shelf and a shelf for my computer beside my desk. I have repaired my loom that had some damage and got it working. I have now done some weaving. I’ve even done some writing. There have been days in there that I haven’t had the energy and respect them and take the day off.
I wake up looking forward to the day and all that it will hold. It feels sooooo good to feel on my way to wellness.
What changed you may ask? There have been several things I can point to from recent times that have helped and some that I have been doing for much longer.
Last September, I returned home to the Oregon coast. I love the ocean, always have. I love the mountains too, and this place gives me both. But in the move, I ended up dropping my daily meditation and some of the other things I had been doing. I had to find a new routine. That is usually easier said than done. I read a great many books last year and a few things kept coming back. Like avoiding foods that are not good for you, meditation, reading uplifting things, and giving gratitude.
In October, I flew to Alaska to see my children and while there my father was put into the hospital. When I flew home, I then drove to California and was there 10 days. Right before I let, my doctor told me I was hyperthyroid and needed to have it checked out. So, when I was home it was to get an ultrasound. Then back to CA. I knew I wasn’t well. I now understood why I was crying all the time and behavior like ADHD (which I’m not) then crashing, I so tired at times I couldn’t move, and why the heat of last summer was like heat stroke every day, and the list went on and on. By the time I saw the specialist again, 6 weeks had past with my being gone and Thanksgiving. I’d done a lot of reading on thyroid problems by then too. Libraries are great places.
Several books were recommended by friends and one make the most sense to me. Food can heal you. I knew that years ago. I’d found many foods that my body just can not tolerate. I won’t go into details on how I know, just know it is painful.
This was around the first of the year. I began the detox protocol. I’m still doing the first month, life has been so busy that that is all I can manage. I also started following a more restrictive food plan. This is not a “diet” in the way most people think of it, but a way of eating that works for me. I had added food over the previous year that I knew were questionable but convenient, so they went out of the plan. I haven’t eaten sugar of any kind in years (real, artificial, natural, any), that was one of the big things every book said. I also had to stop eating anything with flour in it. For the most part I haven’t eaten flour based products as a general rule for years, now I had to be more vigilant. Three meals a day with no snacking was easy, I’m not a snacker in general, and I’ve found that even 3 meals a day is more than I can eat, so I do 2 meals a day. They are larger meals, but it works for me. I did that for years when I had the mill and felt good.
The detox at times was exhausting. My energy level was very low, but the crying all the time slowed and then stopped. The ADHA behavior stopped too. I was starting to feel calmer. I’m not crashing in exhaustion.
I had also started to create a morning routine that works for me. I have my meditation time built into my morning, just like showering, eating breakfast, feeding the cat, and drinking my 4 cups of water first thing (another thing that was dropped along the way the past couple of years).
I listened to several video series on health that resonated with me right to my very center. You just know when something is right and you know it’s time to act and not just listen.
I began to get a better understanding of the amount of stress I’ve lived with for a long time. Understanding is power and with power you can change things.
I also had a big “let it go” moment while in the skilled nursing facility with Dad. That still small voice inside just said “let it go.” It was similar to an ‘aha moment’ I had when I realized I wasn’t judging people as I stood in the O’Hare airport about five years ago. You take notice. You stop and think ‘Wow!’
Another “aha moment” is when another person at church was talking to someone and I over heard her say that she was just getting her feet back under her after retiring 18 months earlier. I was struck, you mean there are others that feel the same way I do and did for a long time? I knew that selling the mill and farm was my retirement from that and it was a big loss in so many ways, but it was a normal feeling for some people? I thanked her several weeks later when I had a chance to talk with her. It also led to talking to another person with similar things happening.
Now I’m not saying life is a bed of roses, all pink and cheery. Far from it. The same stuff is there, just it now has a different color to it. Actually, less color, clearer as I clean out the things in my life.
I feel wonderful! I know I have much more healing to do. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I can see daylight and the end of the long tunnel and the forest I have been in for a very long time. Life is good because what I want most is my health back and I want it more than ever before. There is still much to give to this world and being healthy will make it so I can be a bigger light.
I even wat to write again and create. Yea!
It’s been a time of cleaning out my body which helped me think more clearly and let my spirit come back out. It was cleaning out my mind which helped my body heal and supported the spiritual growth. It was going back to the spiritual practices that I had lost along the way which opened the doors to all the healing.